A New Drug
 
Jack:I have invented a new drug which could kill lice effectively.
Tom:That's wonderful. How is it used?
Jack:When you catch a louse, just put a little of that drug on its mouth and it will die immediately.

一种新药
杰克:我发明了一种新药能有效地杀死虱子。
汤姆:太棒了。怎么用呢？
杰克:你捉到一只虱子，只要在它嘴上抹一点这种药，虱子就会死去。
 
 
The Creation of Woman [摘自爱爱英语学习网] 
 
One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem." "What`s the problem, Adam?" God replies. "Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I`m just not happy." "Why is that, Adam?" comes the reply from the heavens. "Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely." "Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a `woman` for you." "What`s a `woman,` Lord?" "This `woman` will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you," replies the heavenly voice. "Sounds great." "She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam." "How much will this `woman` cost me Lord?" Adam replies. "She`ll cost you a leg, an arm, an eye, an ear, and a testicle." Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam asks God, "Uh, what can I get for a rib?"

Dating for Mother
 
 
When the young waitress in the café in Tom's building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. 　　One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"
　　"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.
　　"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"

约会

在汤姆工作的大楼里有一个咖啡屋，那儿总有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。汤姆有些受宠若惊，因为这位小姐看上去至少比他年轻15岁。一天她又对汤姆招手并示意汤姆过去。于是汤姆走了过去。她问道，“您现在是单身吗？” “对，是单身，”汤姆满脸堆笑的说。 “我母亲也是，”她说，“您愿不愿意见见她？”

Taken for Granted
 
 
THE SCHOOL HEALTH FORMS had been distributed to the students with an error---the word "Sex" had been spelled with an "o". One mother, filling out the form for her son, wrote in the blank next to "Sox": "Usually brown."

理所当然

某学校发给学生的健康调查表里有个错别字——把“性别”的“性”字写成了“袜”字。一位母亲在为她的儿子填写表格时，在“袜别”的那栏填上了：“棕色为主。”

[注] 英语中sex（性）与sox（袜）只有一个字母之差。

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
　　"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can'tm, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
　　A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"

逻辑推理

小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？” 一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？”

[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。